


Smoke and Mirrors

by JWMelmoth, SilverGrayAndMauve, Starlight_Daylight



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, M/M, Not Blaine Anderson Friendly, References to Depression, fic prompt, references to suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-06-24 18:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19729390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JWMelmoth/pseuds/JWMelmoth, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverGrayAndMauve/pseuds/SilverGrayAndMauve, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight_Daylight/pseuds/Starlight_Daylight
Summary: Kurt unexpectedly breaks off his engagement with Sebastian - and reveals that he has no other choice...mobsters, explosions and unexpected twists follow.





	1. For the Man You Were Going to Marry

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Look, It's Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17305370) by [Starlight_Daylight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starlight_Daylight/pseuds/Starlight_Daylight). 



> Previously titled 'For the Man You Were Going to Marry (Part 2)'. A continuation of 'Look, It's Love' (chapter 5) by Starlight_Daylight.
> 
> DISCLAIMER 2020: As the author of this work, I do NOT condone this work to be copied or otherwise made available outside Archive of Our Own. This work was written specifically for publication on AO3 and is not for profit. Any re-publication on for profit/monetised apps/sites is not authorised or supported by me.

“No, you can keep it,” Sebastian softly said, clasping his hand around Kurt’s when he noticed the latter about to remove the ring, “You can do whatever you want with it. Sell it, give it away, I don’t care. I bought it for you.”

Kurt stared at the hand around his, shaking his head slightly, “No, you bought it for the man you were going to marry.” Gently pulling his hand free, Kurt slipped off his engagement ring from his finger. He allowed himself to stare at it awhile longer, memories of the proposal rushing through his mind. It was everything anyone could have dreamed of, the romance, the grandness of gesture. But what does it matter in the end?

With a sad smile, Kurt held it out for Sebastian to take it back. With a sigh, he did, the cold metal feeling slightly heavier than he remembered.

“And I’m not him.”

Sebastian swallowed, his heart beating faster as he tried to muster the courage to voice the thought that hadn’t stopped clattering around in his head since Kurt had arrived and awoken him to drop this bomb in his lap.

“You still could be,” he said slowly, “if…I went with you.”

Kurt shook his head. “ _No_ ,” he said firmly, even as his eyes misted over, soft and filled with affection for Sebastian for even suggesting it. “That’s out of the question. I can’t drag you into this–not any more than I already have. If you go with me, then they’ll just be after you, too. You still have a life here, Bas, I’m not gonna let you throw it away to be with me.”

There was a part of Sebastian that knew, instinctively, that Kurt was right. Maybe it would be easier to accept once he had had time to really think about it, after the shock had worn off, and maybe he would come to be grateful to Kurt for refusing him after he had taken the time to appreciate everyone and everything in his life that he so often took for granted. But at this moment, all he could think about was the horrible fact that the time he had left to spend with Kurt was running out fast, and it seemed worth giving up anything just to be able to hold on tight and refuse to let him go anywhere without him.

Sebastian opened his mouth to speak, not even sure what he was going to say, but was cut off before he could even begin when an earsplitting noise rang out, shaking the ground beneath them and startling them both.

Kurt turned his head in the direction of the noise, looking shaken, and Sebastian felt a chill run through him.

“Is that…” Sebastian started after a moment’s hesitation. “Was that, y’know… _you_?”

Kurt just nodded, and for a moment, he didn’t say anything. Sebastian knew without having to ask that he was imagining the state of his home right now, and thinking about the fact that he was supposed to be in it.

Snapping himself out the trance he had slipped into, Kurt turned back to Sebastian, his eyes filling with tears. “I have to go,” he said softly. “I’ve already been gone too long, and Dad and the Marshal assigned to us are gonna freak if they wake up and find me missing.”

“Kurt,” Sebastian started.

But Kurt just shook his head. “I’m so sorry,” he choked. “I shouldn’t have come at all, I just–I just couldn’t bear to let you think that–”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Sebastian soothed automatically. “I understand.”

But he really didn’t understand at all. He had known of course that something was wrong, ever since Kurt had failed to meet him for dinner Friday night. When he had subsequently failed to answer any of Sebastian’s calls or texts, a visit to his home had found Kurt curled up on the couch, shaking and insisting that he was fine but that he must be coming down with something.

In the days that followed, Kurt had been withdrawn and jumpy, always looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, and never relaxing even for a moment. Whenever Sebastian had questioned him about it, Kurt had brushed it off, claiming that he still just wasn’t feeling well. Sebastian had never fully believed him, but he had given him his space, trusting that whatever was troubling him, he would eventually tell him about it when he was ready. He never thought he would be standing here having _this_ conversation; being told that they had to break up and could never see each other again, because whatever had happened on Friday was so terrible that Kurt couldn’t tell Sebastian about it without putting his life in danger.

The look in Kurt’s eyes now was of defeat as he stared longingly at Sebastian, a world of unspoken thoughts and feelings passing over his face. “I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye,” he finished at last in a small, guilty voice.

Sebastian just nodded numbly, as there didn’t seem to be anything else he could do.

Repressing a sob, Kurt moved forward and threw his arms around Sebastian, holding him in one last, tight embrace like he never wanted to let go.

“I love you,” Kurt whispered brokenly. “I always will.”

Before Sebastian could say anything in return, Kurt promptly pulled away, giving him a parting kiss on the cheek, and then he turned on his heel and ran.

Sebastian sighed heavily as he watched him disappear into the night, a cold, churning feeling in his stomach that he knew was his body’s way of taking in the news that his mind was still struggling to process. He wasn’t heartbroken yet–he was still too stunned, too utterly overwhelmed to let himself believe that this could really be happening–but he could tell that he would be when the reality of the situation finally sank in. He subconsciously closed his hand over the ring, which was all he had left of the future he and Kurt had planned together.

Sebastian didn’t know how long he stood there, but he continued to stare after Kurt even long after he had disappeared from his sight.

Eventually, Sebastian returned to himself enough to be able to move, and he retreated through his window, closing it behind him, and got back into bed. Not that he was going to be able to sleep, knowing now that he was likely never going to see his fiancé–his _ex_ -fiancé, he reminded himself–again.

In the morning, it would be all over the news: _Gas Line Bursts, Congressman Hummel and Son Killed in Explosion_. But Sebastian knew the truth. Tomorrow, Kurt and his father would begin a new life in a different city, under different names, never to be seen or heard from by anyone from their old life again. And the people who had tried to take them out would think that they had won.


	2. For the Man You Were Going to Marry, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Kurt goes into the Witness Protection Programm, Sebastian needs to find a reason to go on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previously released as 'For the Man You Were Going to Marry (Part 3)'.
> 
> DISCLAIMER 2020: As the author of this work, I do NOT condone this work to be copied or otherwise made available outside Archive of Our Own. This work was written specifically for publication on AO3 and is not for profit. Any re-publication on for profit/monetised apps/sites is not authorised or supported by me.

"Seb! Seb!" **  
**

A fist pounded the door, making the wood tremble. Sebastian paid it no heed. **  
**

"Pornhub has a pause button, you know!" his brother shouted from behind the door, and rapped the wood again. **  
**

Sebastian did not reply. His interest in partaking in life had been muted, and he lay, shell-shocked, on the bed of his hotel room, face down, trying not to breathe. It was like the sound of the detonation played in his head like a loop, following Kurt's words like a punctuation mark. A full stop. _We can never see each other again._ BOOM. It was the full stop on their relationship, and now that Kurt was actually gone, it felt like it was the full stop on Sebastian's life. **  
**

This was not what Kurt had wanted him to do- he left him with the sole purpose of giving him a chance at life- but it was a gift Sebastian had not asked for and did not want. What was the return policy on a life? **  
**

"Okay, ready or not, I'm coming in!" his brother announced, and pulled open the door. He took in the sight. **  
**

" _Mon Dieu,_ you're not even dressed yet," he cursed, crossing the room with large strides. **  
**

_He walks like dad,_ Sebastian thought vaguely, not moving from his position on the bed. He held his breath. **  
**

"Come on, get up and dress properly, you know how mom gets when we're late." **  
**

Sebastian breathed in, feeling the air fill his aching lungs. He mumbled a few words into the duvet, a muffled jumble of _'leave me alone'_ and _'fuck off, Marcus'_. **  
**

Marcus sighed. "Are we have a melodramatic moment? Did your favourite tv show get cancelled or what?" **  
**

Instead of replying, Sebastian just slowly lifted one hand and gave him the finger. **  
**

"Okay, that's it," Marcus decided, and walked up to the closet, pulling out a suit and throwing it onto the bed next to Sebastian. "You have _one_ more chance to dress yourself before I will. Don't think I won't- I was changing your diapers when I was seven." **  
**

The threat didn't mean anything to Sebastian, but he knew Marcus was good for it, and there was no getting around it. When his family had a meeting, presence was mandatory. He thought about Kurt and Burt, and how simple it was with their family. It was just them. No protocols, no hotel suites, no suits (actually, Kurt did wear suits now and then, but by _choice_ ). **  
**

Then again, maybe their life had not been so simple after all, if they had to give it up. **  
**

The loop in his head played again, and Sebastian realised he couldn't fight it any longer. He had to go on with his life, because Kurt wanted him to. If he was to never see him again, he had to treat it like his dying wish. He breathed in again, more purposefully this time, and pushed himself off the bed. **  
**

Marcus looked up and was about to say something when he took in Sebastian's face and the words stuck in his throat. His expression changed; suddenly, he was less like his dad and heir to the family business, and more like the brother who had helped Sebastian with his homework and came to his tapdancing recitals when their parents couldn't make it. **  
**

"What's going on, Seb?" he asked carefully. "What happened? Did someone hurt you?" **  
**

A glimmer of his dad and the business shone in his eyes at the last question, and Sebastian knew he'd only have to mention a name and there'd be consequences. But he had no names, so he just shook his head and pulled off his shirt. He was aware of his brother's eyes on his body, checking for bruises, scrapes, cuts. _Fingerprints._ He knew there were none. The shards of the explosion were embedded within him, invisible and searing. **  
**

-

All dressed, they made their way down to the conference room in silence. Other members of their family filtered in, aunts, uncles, cousins, most of whom Sebastian only saw at these mandatory meetings. As the younger son, he had no obligation to interact with them outside of them. Thankfully, only his _body_ was required to be in the seat, and as the meeting started, Sebastian resumed playing the end of his life on loop. **  
**

"...which brings us to the last point on the agenda. The Andersons." **  
**

A collective groan went through the room. **  
**

"New information has come through earlier tonight that the Andersons' presumedly deceased daughter Elizabeth had been, in fact, alive all this time, and was living under a changed identity up until Friday, when her cover was blown following a phone call from her son. It was the first official contact they had had in fifteen years, and their last. She was killed by a car detonation." **  
**

Sebastian's ears pricked up. _Changed identities? Friday?_ Before he could fully connect the dots, someone else did it for him. **  
**

"She was Senator Hummel's wife, wasn't she?" **  
**

Sebastian's stomach dropped. _Kurt’s mother...had been alive all this time?_ **  
**

"Fifteen years is a good run, I can't believe her family would jeopardise that. Surely they must have known they were still under surveillance. The Andersons never let go, ever!" **  
**

"Why?" Sebastian croaked. **  
**

"Seb?" Marcus asked next to him. Sebastian never volunteered to speak at their meetings, ever. **  
**

"Why was she killed?" Sebastian asked. **  
**

The Smythes went silent. His mother gave him a calculated stare, but his father smiled, almost tenderly, as if Sebastian's unexpected contribution did him proud. **  
**

"In 1992 , Elizabeth Anderson volunteered as a witness in a large drug trafficking case against her own family and, knowing the likelihood of retributions, was taken into a witness protection program. Under her new name, she met and married Burt Hummel and they had a son. She was made in 2001 and - as we now know - hired a company to fake her death. Probably Honeybadger Schuester. They say she's the best for Ohio." **  
**

Sebastian's father paused. **  
**

"Must have been one hell of an important phone call," one of Sebastian's uncles remarked casually. **  
**

Sebastian thought he was going to be sick. Suddenly he suspected what could have triggered the call. **  
**

They had gotten engaged on Thursday. Kurt, knowing his mother was still alive, must have called to tell her. **  
**

"Seb? Sebastian, what is the matter with you?" his mother asked sharply. "Have you been drinking again? _Marcus!"_ Her piercing eyes moved to her eldest son, as if the state Sebastian was in was somehow his fault. Marcus shrugged helplessly. **  
**

Sebastian closed his eyes and spoke, his voice almost inaudible. **  
**

"Kurt Hummel was my fiancé." **  
**

The silence held for a moment as the air was sucked out of the room into people's lungs to all speak at once. **  
**

_"Fiancé? Is he gay??"_

_"Did he know of the mother's identity?"_

_“Are the Hummels-” **  
**_

His mother's voice silenced them all. "You got engaged to a _grandchild of the Andersons_ without our permission?" **  
**

Sebastian looked back at her. **  
**

"No. I got engaged to _Kurt Hummel_ , graduate of Ohio's McKinley high school and NYADA senior, son of Burt Hummel, former car mechanic and US senator." He swallowed. "I knew nothing about his mother. Kurt had told me she was dead. All I know is…" **  
**

He gasped for breath. All eyes were on him. Marcus put a hand on his arm, squeezing it softly. **  
**

"...he is gone, and I will never see him again." **  
**

His father was the first to recover. **  
**

"Sebastian,” he started. “I’m extremely sorry for your loss. I regret that you didn’t feel you could trust to tell us. If we had known, we might have been able to prevent his death-" **  
**

"He is not dead!" Sebastian shouted, his voice breaking. "He's _gone_. Relocated. A new name, a new life - without me. He didn't tell me anything, he didn't let me come with him. He. Just. Left!" **  
**

Murmurs started up around them, but Sebastian didn't care. He only heard fragments. _Explosion. News. Identities. Schuester._ He vaguely noticed Marcus standing up. **  
**

"Father, I formally request to take this on personally," he said in a firm, clear voice. His father nodded for him to continue. **  
**

"I have been grooming my connections for a long time. The way in with the Andersons is through their weakest link: Blaine. I believe now is the time to pull the strings and clean them out." **  
**

"Why would we do that?" his mother asked. "The Smythe family hold no personal grudges towards the Andersons. While the situation is most unfortunate, we cannot risk going to war-" **  
**

Marcus glanced at Sebastian, then met his mother's eye. "No offence, mother, but shit got _personal_ the moment Sebastian put a ring on it." **  
**

"I agree, Samantha," his father added. "Or are you saying love is not worth going to war for?" **  
**

They exchanged looks. Samantha Smythe's eyes softened. Finally, she nodded. Her husband took over. **  
**

"Pull whatever strings you need, Marcus. It's about time the Andersons got their dues." **  
**

Marcus nodded. **  
**

Mr Smythe senior looked Sebastian in the eyes. "We will find him, Sebastian," he promised. **  
**

\- **  
**

"Coffee?" Burt offered carefully. **  
**

Kurt shook his head. They had just disembarked at Southampton, waiting for a cab to take them to their first temporary stay. It had taken the ship over two weeks, taking an elaborate cruise as a part of their cover. Kurt had kept to his cabin, and Burt had obliged him, spreading the word on board that his son was ill and having food delivered to their room. **  
**

Without even trying, Kurt had been true to the part, as he stayed in bed, occasionally sleeping, but mostly just staring at the ceiling. He hadn't gotten dressed until they neared the coast. Now he stood next to Burt, pale and tired, holding a new passport that said his name was ‘Thomas’, selfishly wishing Sebastian was there with him to teasingly call him 'Tommy' and make fun at his new haircut and the awful picture on his pass. He _ached_ for Sebastian's infuriating laugh. **  
**

"Cab's here, Tom," his dad said solemnly, and Kurt nodded. He got in, buckled up, and went back to his thoughts as his dad struck up a conversation with the cab driver about driving on the left. **  
**

"We'll take our cases down ourselves, thanks," Burt told the cabby as he stopped at the end of the driveway. He paid the man and heaved their small packs from the trunk. For added realism, most of their possessions had remained in the house. **  
**

Kurt glanced around. It was a quiet neighbourhood of matching houses, neatly kept lawns, and modest cars. He couldn't care less. **  
**

He watched the cab pull away, feeling like it was taking the very last shreds of his soul with him. **  
**

"Thomas?" his father's voice said, a little unsteadily. "Tom- _Kurt!"_ **  
**

Kurt's real name- which they had vowed not to use anymore unless in dire emergencies- pulled Kurt from his thoughts and he looked at his dad. Burt nodded towards the house. **  
**

There, on the hood of a rental car, sat Sebastian. **  
**

Kurt felt like the breath he took was the first one filling his lungs since that night, and he ran towards him. _I can't keep him,_ his mind provided, _he is in danger here._ But he couldn't help it, he was pulled towards him like a magnet. **  
**

"Bas! Oh god, Bas," he let out, and then Sebastian's arms were around him, hugging him tightly. Before he knew it, Kurt was crying, sobbing softly into Sebastian's shoulder. **  
**

"It wasn't your fault," Sebastian whispered into his ear. Kurt shook his head, not feeling he deserved the absolution. Not yet. Then he realised something. **  
**

He pulled away a little to look at Sebastian. **  
**

"How did you find out? How did you find _us?_ What are you doing here?" **  
**

Sebastian offered him a small smile. "I'm here to take you home." **  
**

Kurt swallowed. "I can't," he whispered, "they will-" **  
**

"The Andersons are in jail, Kurt," Sebastian said. "Every single one responsible for your mom's death, and everyone involved in their dirty business. They found a new witness for the case." **  
**

Behind them, Burt pulled out his phone and a sheet of paper, starting to type out a number. **  
**

"I don't understand," Kurt said. "How did you-" **  
**

"My family isn’t actually in real estate," Sebastian admitted. "They are pretty damn shady, if I’m honest, but as far as I know, do not rely on bombs to resolve their business conflicts." He paused. "I understand if you want no part of that," he added softly. "I just wanted you to know that if you wanted, you could go back to being _Kurt_." **  
**

Kurt swallowed. He didn’t care what the Smythes’ did for a living- they had just saved his life. **  
**

"Only on one condition," he said. "Can I also go back to being ‘the man you were going to marry?’" **  
**

Sebastian let out something that was a mix between a sob and a laugh, and reached into his pocket. He took out the ring and held it out to Kurt. **  
**

"You can be the man I _am_ going to marry," he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many many thanks go out to my dearest Daftydraw for brainstorming with me at 1 am in a hotel room with no air conditioning and for beta-reading it after I sent her my mobile draft. Without you, I am nothing.


	3. The Fredo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Sebastian are together again, but the both of them have difficulties picking up where they left off...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER 2020: As the author of this work, I do NOT condone this work to be copied or otherwise made available outside Archive of Our Own. This work was written specifically for publication on AO3 and is not for profit. Any re-publication on for profit/monetised apps/sites is not authorised or supported by me.

Sebastian looked down on his fiancé. Kurt was already sleeping, but Sebastian’s mind was too active to join him. Where did they go from here? 

After the first euphoria of their reunion had faded, it had become clear that they couldn’t just pick up where they had left. Several weeks had passed, and even though they were now back in New York, in the place that held so much history for the both of them and their love, too much had happened. Kurt had changed- not just in his appearance but inside, and he didn’t seem to be able to take up the role of himself again and be the Kurt that he had been. It was like a part of him was still on the run.

Burt had noticed it too, and had insisted on staying with them, in hopes of offering Kurt something like his old life again. He and Kurt had been sharing a place before the explosion, after Burt had sold the tire shop to be closer to Kurt and have a shorter commute to D.C. Not having a home of their own to return to, the two of them had moved into Sebastian’s apartment. Other arrangements could have been made- there were funds to replace livelihoods and accomodations in these cases- but for now, it was clear that Kurt needed both his dad _and_ his fiancé, wanting to be close to them almost as if letting them out of his sight would mean they’d disappear.

It was a small space for three people, but Sebastian did the best he could to give them the space they needed.

In truth, he needed space as well. For all of his life, Sebastian had chosen to ignore his family’s business, pretending sometimes that they were really into real estate, and the conferences were just awkwardly formal family meetings. He couldn’t ignore what they were anymore now - and the insights into the Andersons family had made him reevaluate everything he thought he knew about his parents, his brother and himself too. 

Would Kurt still love him once he realised the Smythes were a part of the power system that had led to his mother’s death?

**A FEW WEEKS EARLIER**

"I gotta tell you, Seb, this is one big fucking mess," Marcus said, turning his seat to face his younger brother while the family was filtering out of the conference room. Their parents were at the far side of the long table, talking quietly.

"I know," Sebastian admitted.

"I mean, _you_ getting married before _me_? Do you have any idea how far mom's gonna jump down my throat to settle down now? Thanks a lot, man!" Marcus continued indignantly.

Sebastian gaped at him for a moment, then laughed. He didn't think he ever would again- but somehow the immediate and unwavering support of his family made him feel like maybe it was all going to be alright. The sound of his laughter made his mother look up and muster him for a moment, shooting a small grateful smile at Marcus before turning back to her husband.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys sooner," Sebastian said quietly. "I was going to, but-"

Marcus grinned and punched his brother's arm. "Sneaky bastard. You'd better make me best man, is all I'm saying."

When Sebastian looked at him, lost for words and with a lump in his throat, Marcus gave him a serious look. "We'll find him," he said, echoing his father. "And make the Andersons pay."

"I want in," Sebastian said, without thinking about it. 

Marcus took a deep breath, frowned, then shook his head. "Seb-"

"I do!" Sebastian insisted. "He's _my_ fiancé! They killed _my_ mother-in-law, Marcus. I have a right to be in!"

Marcus sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Look, I understand, but...I may need to do some pretty messed-up stuff to get the intel we need, and I don't want-"

"Messed-up _how_?" Sebastian asked sharply. He had never asked any questions, never got involved, but now? He had to.

His brother shrugged uncomfortably. "Remember how I said their weakest link is Blaine? Um. He's gay, and I... _may_ have planted some pawns around him to keep an eye out. He's pretty much susceptible to anyone who pays any attention to him, so if I went in now and have the guys back up my story, I'm pretty sure that after a few drinks, I could get him to spill his family secrets."

Sebastian just stared. "You're gonna hit on him?" he asked incredulously.

Marcus shrugged. "Not for real," he mumbled, looking a little embarrassed. "It's a low blow and I wouldn't do it if there was any other way but his family is almost impossible to approach-"

"I can do it,” Sebastian said. “I can. I mean, at least _I'm_ actually gay." 

"No. No, Seb-" Marcus said immediately. "If he suspects anything- No! You've never done this before, and-"

"And _you_ have?" Sebastian asked, suddenly looking at his brother in a different light.

"Well, not with a guy," his brother backed down, "but I'm sure it's just-"

"Okay, I'm doing it," Sebastian decided. "And we'll find out who is responsible and put them behind bars so Kurt can come home."

**A WEEK LATER**

Marcus checked his phone again. No messages. No messages for _hours_ , and he was beginning to panic. 

He should not have let Sebastian go in. His mother would kill him if anything happened to her youngest son! They were supposed to get the best of both worlds- a son to take over the family business, and one to have a legit career, to secure their social standing and the grandbabies. Well, Marcus thought to himself with a smirk, he'd known for a while that Seb was never exactly gonna go on the _straight_ and narrow, all puns intended, but they had always tried to keep him out of family business. Ignorance, in this case, wasn't just bliss. It was protection, both for him and the family. What he didn't know couldn't be blackmailed- or tortured- out of him. 

The Andersons had chosen another route. Their eldest son was an airhead- handsome and eager, but essentially useless- so they had chosen to induce their youngest. They took him to all the meetings, introduced him to the important players, made sure everyone knew he was the heir to the family business. But Blaine was a loose cannon, easily enraged, gullible, jealous. He was not satisfied with the family’s cover business - the import and export of exotic fruits - and longed for something high-profile and flashy. In his mind, he imagined himself as a rockstar drug lord. Giving into his every whim, his family had bought him a place at NYADA, one of the most prestigious musical theatre educations in the country, but after realizing this entailed actual hard work, Blaine’s enthusiasm had wavered, and all he had done with it so far was use it as a platform to peddle small-time drugs and pick up boys. His morals made him an easy target, but his history of violence was what worried Marcus now.

He checked his phone again. "Come on, Seb," he muttered. "Just give it up if he won't budge…"

Suddenly, several cars came speeding down the street only to stop in front of the bar. Several men and women dressed in dark clothes and bulletproof vests got out. They were heavily armed, and Marcus felt his stomach turn to lead. Had Blaine called them in? Had Sebastian’s cover been blown? Marcus trusted his pawn men with his life, but Sebastian was inexperienced and had too much of a personal interest in this case. _Fuck_ . No license plates either. Who _were_ these guys? Things were easier in the movies, where the _good guys_ were always identifiable on sight.

Marcus pressed himself back into his car seat and sent Sebastian a text, waited a few seconds, then tried calling. There was no answer. The group of darkly clad people kicked in the back door and started to file in. Marcus took his gun from under his seat, but kept it out of sight against his chest. _Fuck fuck fuck, Seb, come on, come on..._

Bar patrons began streaming out of the emergency exit, looking harassed and agitated, but unwounded. Marcus got out of the car, his eyes searching. Before he could push his way in against the stream, the men and women in black were coming out, pulling a struggling and cursing Blaine Anderson between them. One of them got to the cars first and pulled out a blue light to place on the roof. They pushed Blaine into the back of the car and sped off.

Marcus breathed out and shook his head. A police raid then. Their allegiance with the 'good guys' was often debatable, but in the case of the Andersons, they were the lesser evil.

In the door opening, bracketed by the yellow lights of the bar, stood Sebastian, and looked down the street where the police cars were retreating. Marcus sped towards him

"Are you okay?" Marcus asked urgently, taking in the sight of his brother. He looked grim, but appeared to be unharmed.

Sebastian nodded. "It was him, Marcus," he said, his voice low. "He didn't physically place the explosives but his parents let him make the call." 

Marcus swallowed. "How did you get him to tell you?"

Sebastian shook his head. "You were right. He's incredibly susceptible to praise...and guys acting like he is god's gift to gay men."

//

_"You know, I do sort of have a boyfriend," Blaine drawled._

_"That doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you," Sebastian said easily, and he could see Blaine's eyes light up._

//

He twisted his lips. "We flirted a bit, I took him to this place, bought him some drinks...then I started telling him how much I loved _The Godfather_. He couldn't wait to tell me. It was ridiculous! God, he wanted me to think he's Michael so badly he didn't even realise he's the Fredo."

"And you didn't have to...?" Marcus asked carefully.

Sebastian faked a shudder. "Please, I have a fiancé."

Marcus clapped his shoulder. "Good. You had me worried for a bit."

Sebastian smiled a thin-lipped smile. There had been a time where he would have welcomed such an easy lay, but Kurt had changed everything. Even if they never got to see each other again, he would not betray his memory like that.

"Any news on the Hummels?" he asked, trying not to sound too childishly hopeful in front of his big brother.

Marcus shook his head. "Soon, I'm sure," he offered. "And then you can tell him you got the bastard."

Sebastian frowned and shook his head. "I don't want him to know it was me. Or _how._ "

Marcus studied him for a moment and wondered if Sebastian had been completely honest with him about the boy Anderson. Something in his eyes had changed. Marcus left it uncommented. It couldn't be helped anyway, and it had been his choice.

"Then he won't know," he agreed.

-

Kurt moaned softly in his sleep, and Sebastian reached out to caress his face. Kurt sighed against his touch, his brow relaxing, and Sebastian leaned in to place a featherlight kiss on his forehead. He settled down next to Kurt. It was no use going over the same worries all night. Maybe the morning would bring some answers.


	4. Disconnect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He had thought that, for once, his life was going in a positive direction—that he actually had a bright future. And then Friday had come, and all that happiness and all his hopes and expectations had been shot straight to hell."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER 2020: As the author of this work, I do NOT condone this work to be copied or otherwise made available outside Archive of Our Own. This work was written specifically for publication on AO3 and is not for profit. Any re-publication on for profit/monetised apps/sites is not authorised or supported by me.

_The sidewalk tilted beneath Kurt’s feet as he ran, throwing him off balance and making it harder to push past the crowd blocking his path. He didn’t stop, though; he couldn’t stop, not until he had gotten to his mother, and not until he had made it far away from everyone and everything chasing him. He had to keep going - but it was hard to go anywhere when he was surrounded, and when the waves kept rocking the world around him and threatening to knock him over._

_Turning a corner, Kurt found himself running down a deserted passageway of the ship, and he picked up his pace, no longer hindered by the mass of pedestrians in the city. An odd mixture of fear and relief fuelled him now, pushing him onward. He had almost made it. Just a little farther, and it would all be over._

_Out of nowhere, a pair of hands reached out for him, giving his shoulder a hard shove, and sending him hurtling across the hallway. His eyes closed instinctively as he braced for what he knew was coming, and then his back slammed painfully against the wall, the rattling of a locker door_ _following the impact as predictably as thunder following a flash of lightning._

 _The sound echoed up and down the empty deck, gaining volume with every reverberation, and as it did, more sounds began to mix with it. Kurt could hear the waves now as they crashed against the side of the ship, and his dad’s voice calling for him --no, for Thomas-- from a distance; he could hear the jeers from his former classmates (the wrong names again, but worse than ‘Thomas’) and the condescension in his teachers’ voices as they pretended to understand his troubles, just before advising him to try harder to fit in. He heard his mom’s stifled sobs from the night that she left, the Marshal at the first safehouse firmly explaining that he could never see Sebastian again, his dad’s voice, again - getting closer and starting to sound desperate as he dropped his alias and addressed him as_ Kurt _\--and then, a deafening blast that drowned out all other sounds - and he was plunged into darkness. The waves closed over his head and he was sinking._

\--

Kurt jerked awake with a gasp, the noise from the explosion still ringing in his ears, even though the room he was lying in now was dead silent. His heart raced and he stayed totally motionless as he stared at the ceiling and tried to process everything that had just happened.

He breathed in slowly and deeply, trying to steady his nerves, and when he detected the familiar scent of Sebastian’s aftershave on his pillow, he exhaled with relief, remembering where he was.

 _It was just a dream,_ he told himself, sitting up a little. _Sebastian’s family took care of everything. It’s all over._

But in spite of that knowledge, he still couldn’t bring himself to relax. Even though he was finally free and back in New York--back with Sebastian--where he belonged, he was still constantly on edge, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake the trapped, isolated feeling he had had while they were apart. It felt like he hadn’t been able to let go of the fear and hopelessness that had filled his system for weeks- the terror that had chilled him to the core that not even Sebastian had been able to thaw. 

It didn’t help that he was still having the same nightmare every night, making him relive all the worst moments of his life over and over again.

Suddenly craving the security of being held in his fiancé’s arms, Kurt turned his head to look at Sebastian, and found, with a twinge of disappointment, that he was still sound asleep.

Kurt sighed softly. It was just as well, he thought, pulling up his knees and hugging them to his chest, moving slowly so as not to disturb Sebastian. He didn’t deserve to have someone awake with him to make him feel like he wasn’t all alone in his suffering. He had brought his upon himself—upon all of them. None of this would have happened if he had just thought for one minute how severe the consequences of his actions could be. The least he could do was let Sebastian have his rest, while he waited for his hammering heart to calm on its own and tried to fall asleep again.

And to think, he had been so happy after the proposal on that Thursday so many weeks ago! He had thought that, for once, his life was going in a positive direction—that he actually had a bright future. And then Friday had come, and all that happiness and all his hopes and expectations had been shot straight to hell.

\--

**FRIDAY**

_“There you are, wild and free, reaching out like you needed me. The helping hand to make it right, I am holding you all through the night…”_

Kurt smiled as he clicked on the song and added it to his Potential Wedding Songs playlist. He and Sebastian had yet to set a date for their wedding, or decide on the size of their guest list—or decide if there was even going to _be_ a guest list; eloping was still on the table—but one thing they already knew for certain was that they were not getting married without music. 

So, after his last class at NYADA had let out, Kurt had gone straight home and planted himself and his laptop at the kitchen table to compile a massive list of love songs extending to all genres. They would narrow their song choices down together later, but right now, Kurt was so deliriously happy that he wanted to use _all_ of them.

For the first time in his life, everything just felt perfect. He was engaged to a wonderful man, whom he would be meeting again for dinner in a couple of hours, he had only half a semester to go before he graduated from NYADA, his dad was in good health and making progressive waves in congress, and yesterday, for the first time in years, Kurt had spoken with his mother.

Just before Elizabeth had gone into hiding for the second time, as she was bidding an emotional farewell to her husband and son, she had slipped Burt a notecard bearing her new name and phone number, and instructed him to only use it if it was absolutely necessary. No one was ever to find out that she was still alive. Even Burt and Kurt weren’t supposed to know, as the agency protecting her had made quite clear, but Elizabeth had wanted to minimize the damage as much as possible. 

Convincing a mother to abandon her only child for the sake of his own safety was one thing, but expecting her to also put him through the sorrow of thinking she was dead, and tainting any chance of their reunion with the trauma and betrayal of having been lied to about it, was expecting too much. 

So, she had gone against procedure and explained as much as she could to her family in secret, and left them a way to get in touch with her in the event of an emergency or any other life-changing news.

Burt had kept the paper locked in a safe for years, knowing better than to trust a grieving eight-year-old with his mom’s contact information. After his heart attack, however, he had decided that it was time to let Kurt know how to reach his mom if he ever needed her. 

Kurt, understanding how dangerous it would be for Elizabeth if the Andersons ever found out that she was alive, had never used the phone number—though there were countless times he had wanted to, and he had it memorized by heart—until yesterday.

“I just had to tell you,” he had explained, calling from an empty classroom at NYADA after making sure there was no one around to overhear them. “I don’t know if maybe you would have somehow found out about it eventually, but I wanted you and Dad to be the first to know, and I really wanted to be the one to tell you.”

“Oh, Kurt, I’m so happy for you!” his mom had gushed in return. “I’m glad you told me, sweetheart. And I wish so much that I could be there to see you get married; it just kills me that I have to miss it.”

They had chatted for as long as they could, trying desperately to make up for lost time. Unfortunately, though, their call had been brought to an end much too soon by the approach of someone in the NYADA hallways, and Kurt had apologetically hung up—but not before promising to have both his engagement and his wedding announced in the newspaper, with pictures.

Despite how sad it made Kurt that his wedding was yet another milestone in his life that his mom would have to be absent for, talking to her yesterday had alleviated some of the ache of missing her. 

After all these years, she still thought about him every single day, followed all of the news about him that was publically available- highschool newspaper articles, NYADA newsletters, audition tapes- and she still loved him just as much as she always had. Knowing that didn’t make up for a lifetime of having to be apart, but it did give him something to hold on to, to make not having her at his wedding a little easier. She couldn’t be there physically, but she would be there in her heart, and given the circumstances, that was all Kurt could really ask for.

Another perfect song brought Kurt out of his thoughts, making his heart swell, and he hastily added it to the playlist. A few songs later, he looked at the time, and, realizing it was going to take him forever to finish this task at the rate he was going, he stopped playing every song he considered, and just added them based on his memory of how they made him feel.

When Kurt finally reached the end of his iTunes library, having added nearly every love song he owned to his playlist, he plugged his phone into his computer to begin the syncing process. He hummed happily to himself as he waited, pleased to be finished and still have plenty of time to get ready for his date with Sebastian. His wait was cut short, however, when a notification popped up on his screen.

Kurt read the message and let out a little groan, rolling his eyes. His phone didn’t have enough available storage space to sync the playlist. _Typical._

Kurt picked up his phone and began looking for ways to free up storage space. He cleared his call logs first, since that was the easiest step to take, and then he opened his settings folder to see which apps were taking up the most room, and delete the ones he didn’t need.

 _Don’t need that one,_ he thought as he scrolled through the list, _gotta keep that one...don’t need that one...I can delete that one for now and add it back later..._

One app that he had never seen before caught his eye, and he cocked an eyebrow at it.

“What’s _Safe-T Watch_?” he mused aloud.

According to the activity log, its last use had been today, and it was taking up quite a lot of room on his phone. It was probably one of those apps that downloaded automatically with a phone update, he determined, and he must have accidentally opened it at some point without realizing it. At any rate, he wouldn’t miss it. Kurt tapped on the app to view his options, and hit "Delete App" without a second thought. After tapping through the little box to confirm that he did want to delete it, a second, slightly bigger box unexpectedly popped up:

**_Please re-enter Apple ID to confirm removal_ **

Kurt's eyes shifted. That was weird. And annoying. But he did as he was prompted, and entered the email address and password synced to his phone, then hit “return”. Another box popped up almost right away:

 **_Incorrect Apple ID  
_ ** _Removal of Safe-T Watch must be authorized by account administrator._

Kurt frowned. Administrator of what? This was _his_ phone, for god’s sake, synced to _his_ account. And while they did live under the same roof again, Kurt had had his own phone plan independent of Burt’s for years now. Whose account could this app possibly be connected to?

An uneasy feeling settled in his stomach, and he turned back to his computer and opened his web browser, typing “Safe-T Watch” into the search bar.

The first result to come up was an ad from the App Store, displaying the same icon he had seen in his storage folder. Breathing more heavily than he had been a moment ago, he read the description next to it:

_Safe-T Watch is the top-rated app for parental device monitoring. Now you can remotely track your child’s online history and view all phone numbers and email addresses they interact with! Keep your children safe from outside threats, and be notified immediately of suspicious activity with this easy-to-use tool! Now available for iPad and—_

Kurt froze. _No_ , he thought, a terrible sinking feeling taking hold of him. _No, no, no, no, no, please, no--how could I be so stupid?!_

He stood up abruptly, yanking his phone free of its charger carelessly, and made a beeline for the front door, not bothering to close his laptop on the way out.

There was only one reason why he could have an app like that on his phone, and it wasn’t because his dad or Sebastian would want to snoop on him.

His heart pounded in his ears as he made his way down the sidewalk, adrenaline starting to cause his whole body to tremble. How had he let something like this get past him? And how could he have been so careless as to call his mom from his own phone?

With more force than was necessary, Kurt chucked his cell phone into the first trash can he came across, and picked up his pace, internally cursing the bustle of the city making it difficult for him to move faster. The nearest payphone was a block away, and he didn’t have time to deal with New York City foot traffic today.

What had he been thinking? He had spent nearly his entire life taking every precaution to not let it slip to anyone that Elizabeth was alive—hell, he didn’t even talk about her as though she was still alive to Burt, just in case there was someone listening in! And now he had let his guard down for _one_ day, because he was a sentimental idiot who’d thought that _maybe_ everything in his life could be going right for a change. He should have realized it would never be that simple. He should never have called her. He should have known better.

Finally coming out of the most densely crowded area of the sidewalk, Kurt broke into a full run. If he bumped into anyone along the way, he neither noticed nor cared. Nothing mattered more than getting to his mom on time. He had to warn her that her security had been compromised before it was too late.

 _If it isn’t already_ , he thought, beginning to panic. The Andersons had a twenty-four-hour head-start on him, and there was no telling how much they had found out by now. He could only hope that however much they knew, they hadn’t managed to reach her yet.

By the time he finally reached the payphone, he had built such a momentum that he stumbled and nearly fell over when he tried to stop. He managed to regain his balance, but he seemed to have little control over his body, otherwise; he was taking his breaths in gasps, his heart was beating so hard and fast that he could feel it in nearly every inch of his body, and his stomach protested his every single move with waves of nausea.

Taking out his wallet, he found that his hands were somehow both stiff and shaking at the same time, and he fumbled with the zipper of the change pocket for a moment before successfully getting it opened.

Getting the change inserted through the coin slot and dialing the number also seemed to be taking him much longer than necessary, and he was so impatient with his sudden lack of motor skills that he wanted to scream. He settled for banging his fist against the side of the metal box that the phone sat in, but the result was more painful than cathartic.

He drummed his fingers against the box anxiously as the phone rang on the other end, ignoring the throbbing on the side of his hand, and he sucked in his breath when it was answered after three rings.

“Hello,” Elizabeth’s voice greeted him lightly.

“Mom, thank god!” Kurt half-sobbed, unwittingly gripping the receiver with both hands.

“Kurt?” said Elizabeth, worry rising in her voice. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“You have to get away,” Kurt blurted out in a rush. “There was a spyware app on my phone that tracked my calls and sent the information to another device, I just found it. I screwed everything up, Mom, I’m so sorry, please get help and disappear again as fast as you can!”

“Wait, slow down,” said Elizabeth. “I’m in a parking garage with bad reception, and you’re breaking up on me. You found what on your phone?”

“An app that shows someone else every number I call,” said Kurt, trying to speak more slowly. “One of the Andersons must have planted it somehow, I don’t know when, but if they have your phone number, it’s only a matter of time before they find you! Mom, you _have_ to get out of wherever you’re staying—it isn’t safe anymore. You have to run away before they find you!”

“Kurt,” Elizabeth said, sounding deeply troubled, “if they know that you contacted me, they’re gonna be coming after you next, and your father, too. Listen to me, talk to him and tell him that you have to—”

A deafeningly loud BOOM cut her off, and Kurt jumped, tightening his grip on the phone and reactively jerking it away from his ear. Another instant later, he was cradling it close against the side of his face, the sound still echoing in the background.

At first, all he did was listen, too stunned to react. Then he took a deep breath, gathering his nerve, and forced himself to speak.

“Mom?” he said tentatively, his voice wavering.

 _This wasn’t happening; it_ couldn’t _be. Their conversation couldn’t end here._

He waited, still hearing echoes from the blast in the background, but Elizabeth didn’t respond.

Kurt swallowed. “Mom?” he said again, his voice breaking now. And then, more uncertainly: “Can you hear me?”

 _She’s not there_ , an intrusive thought suggested. _They already got to her. She’s not answering because she’s_ dead _._

“Mom,” Kurt repeated a little louder, trying to drown out the voice in his head, but it persisted.

_She’s dead because of you. Her cover was fine until yesterday. You led them to her._

“Mom! Mom, please, say something to me!”

_You killed her._

“ _MOM!_ ” Kurt cried out desperately, his vision blurring.

But she never answered.

After a little while, Kurt heard something in the background shift, and for just the briefest moment, he thought maybe she was going to answer him after all. But another moment later, he heard a _click_ , and the line went dead. The call had dropped.

Kurt stood frozen in place, his hands still glued to the phone as the truth that he’d tried to block out finally sank in. He was too late. His mom was really dead. The Andersons had found her, and they had killed her. And it was all his fault.

\--

"Kurt. _Kurt!_ Wake up! Wake up baby, come on."

Kurt shook his head in his sleep. He shouldn't react, he couldn't be Kurt anymore, no matter how familiar the voices sounded; he had to be Thomas, or they'd find him and take his dad-

 _But it's Bas_ , his subconscious whispered.

_I can't, it's too dangerous, I have to be-_

"Thomas!" Sebastian's voice was low and wrought with emotion.

With a sigh, Kurt opened his eyes. His throat hurt and his heart was beating fast. His eyes settled on Sebastian.

"It's okay," Sebastian said softly. "You can be Kurt again."

"I know," Kurt brought out, banishing his nightmares. "But my head can't seem to remember."

Sebastian pulled up the corner of his mouth and reached for the stubble fade on the side of Kurt's head. "It will once you grow out your crew cut," he offered cheekily.

Kurt huffed out a breath. "I know, it's terrible. I feel so _naked_."

"Naked isn't necessarily a bad thing," Sebastian said with a grin, and ran his hands through the short hairs on top of Kurt's head. "But I do kind of miss something to hold on to when we are. Naked, I mean."

Kurt chuckled and pushed at his chest a little, but as quickly as the mood had been lifted, it crashed down again. He shivered. The haircut had been necessary to help him feel like someone else. Along with the clothes, the shoes. Everything about his body had felt _different_ , and while they were at sea, he had forced himself to make it his new normal. Now all of the old sensations felt wrong. 

Sebastian’s smile faded when he saw the change in Kurt’s demeanor. “What is it, babe?” he asked.

Kurt shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said miserably. “I just don’t know how to go on like everything’s normal after all that’s happened. I want to be able to accept that it’s really over—that I’m really safe, and… _me_ again—but at the same time, I’m _not_ , and…” He trailed off, blinking back tears of frustration. He was not explaining this well.

“I’m sorry,” he let out, “I know I’m not making any sense, and this is putting a damper on our engagement, which _should_ be a happy time in our life, and I need to be like I was before, and I’m _trying_ , it’s just—”

“Kurt,” Sebastian interrupted, gently brushing his fingers through his hair again.

He gave Kurt a moment to catch his breath, and waited for him to look him in the eyes before he continued softly: “I don’t need you to be anything other than what you are. And if what you are is a little lost right now…” He shrugged. “That’s okay. We’re in this together now, babe, you don’t have to figure this out on your own.”

Kurt dropped his gaze and sighed. He wanted to feel reassured by Sebastian’s words, but he just couldn’t.

“Come here,” Sebastian said, leaning closer to Kurt and wrapping his arms around him. “It’s okay. I got you.”

Despite Sebastian's embrace, Kurt was shivering. There was a sense of wrongness in the warmth and the soft words, clouding his mind as if _this_ was the dream. A sweeter one than the nightmares, but still unreal. Any moment now, he would wake up and be back on the ship, alone in a narrow bed, swaying in the dark - and his body was bracing for it, muscles tensed and knuckles white, fingernails biting into his palms.

Sebastian noticed and pulled him closer against his chest, holding him tightly. "I'm here," he said, over and over again. "I'm here, Kurt."

Kurt wished he could explain how part of him wished Sebastian and his dad would stop treating him like he was made of glass. He wanted them to blame him, shout at him, give him something to fight against, to give some sort of purpose to the drive and the pent-up anger he was feeling. Maybe if they would, he could stop feeling like he needed to punish _himself_. 

"Bas," he whispered, "I need to tell you something."

"Okay," Sebastian simply said, "Then tell me."

"When we were at sea...when I thought I had lost you forever-"

"HOW _DARE_ YOU!" Burt's voice boomed loudly from the other room.

Kurt froze. Sebastian immediately moved, half-throwing himself over Kurt and shielding him from whoever might come through the door. They waited, their hearts pounding as one.

"Please let me explain-" another voice pleaded. It was high and melodious, and even though Sebastian had never heard it before, it somehow sounded familiar. He felt Kurt gasp underneath him, and shifted to give him more room to breathe.

“Mom?” Kurt whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Kurt considers using for the wedding is 'The One' by Backstreet Boys, which you can listen to here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnzymu58Gn4


	5. The Explosion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens as yet another thing Kurt had taken for truth turns out to be deception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER 2020: As the author of this work, I do NOT condone this work to be copied or otherwise made available outside Archive of Our Own. This work was written specifically for publication on AO3 and is not for profit. Any re-publication on for profit/monetised apps/sites is not authorised or supported by me.

"Mom?" Kurt whispered.

Next to him, Sebastian nearly forgot how to breathe. _What the hell?!_

It couldn't _really_ be Kurt's mom – she was dead, wasn't she? Though this woman did sound an awful lot like Kurt…

"No, Beth," Burt said from the other room, cutting her off in the middle of her sentence. "Not this time!"

Movement from Kurt's side of the bed brought Sebastian out of his stupor, and he began to panic as Kurt pulled away from him and started to stand up.

"Kurt, wait!" Sebastian whispered urgingly. They didn't know who was out there – and if Burt's tone was any indication, it was _not_ someone he was happy to see.

Kurt went on as though he hadn't heard him.

Not knowing what else to do – and his own curiosity growing by the second – Sebastian threw back the covers and got up, meeting Kurt at the door just as he started to open it.

Kurt slowly, cautiously, crept out of the bedroom and into Sebastian's living room, and Sebastian followed suit.

There they found Burt standing by the front door and glaring daggers at a woman with dark brown hair who was fighting sobs and looking a little helpless.

"Do you have any idea, ANY IDEA what you put Kurt through?" Burt was saying. "What you put _me_ through?"

The woman opened her mouth to answer, but whatever she was going to say was lost when she caught sight of the young couple slowly coming around to stand next to Burt.

The way Kurt's breath caught when they locked eyes on each other was all the confirmation Sebastian needed: this definitely _was_ his mother.

"Kurt," she breathed, pushing past Burt to go to him.

"Mom," Kurt let out, crossing the distance between them. Elizabeth enclosed him in her arms, and even though he was taller than she was, he looked small in her embrace, pulling in his shoulders and pressing his face to her neck.

"Shh, it's okay," she whispered into his hair, one of her hands coming up to caress the back of his head. "I'm here."

Sebastian looked at them, not quite understanding, but Burt was softly shaking his head, looking determined.

"No. No. Get away from my son."

Elizabeth looked up, and something in his eyes made her pause. Her hands fell away from Kurt's shoulders.

Kurt looked up as well. Sebastian could tell he had tears in his eyes. Understanding and criticism had not entered into his mind yet- just the primal urge to be with the person who carried him as a child. He held on to her jacket with both hands. "Dad?" he asked uncertainly.

"You don't get to do this," Burt said, his voice rough with emotion. "You don't get to swoop in and take him. Not after you made me raise him by myself, made me sit through _years_ of him singing goodnight lullabies to a picture frame, yearning for someone he barely remembered-"

"Burt-" Elizabeth started, but Burt shook his head.

"Three weeks ago," he shouted angrily, pointing his finger at her, and then at Kurt, "I had to talk my son down the railing of a cruise ship in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean because he thought he was responsible for his mom's death!"

Sebastian's eyes went wide, and his heart lurched in the same way it had the night Kurt had left him. 

Kurt closed his eyes tightly, shaking his head softly in denial, suddenly reminding Sebastian incredibly of his father. Kurt swayed on his feet, and reached out blindly behind him. Sebastian immediately stepped up to take his hand. Kurt squeezed it gratefully. It was like he needed a tangible reminder of where he was, and Sebastian was tethering him to the moment.

"How _dare_ you keep him in the dark and then show up here like you can un-do what you did-" Burt continued angrily.

"I didn't know!" Elizabeth screamed, her voice breaking. "I didn't know you were alive!" 

"Our house went up two days after you faked your death a second time, Beth. _Two whole days_ in which you could have contacted us-" Burt protested, but Elizabeth cut him off to explain.

"I didn't fake my death! That bomb was _real_ and it _was_ designed to kill me. I just survived."

That silenced Burt effectively, and slowly, Kurt's mother began to explain. "The blast wave from the explosion propelled me away from the car. I hit the wall of the parking lot and lost consciousness. They took me to a hospital and kept me in an artificial coma for days to determine if I had sustained internal injuries. By the time I woke up, word of your death was all over the news."

"But the Agency _knew-_ " Burt protested.

"They didn't tell me," Elizabeth said, sounding desperate. "For your safety, they kept my survival a secret from you, and made _me_ believe I had lost the both of you, too." 

Tears were starting to roll down her face. "I had to mourn you in a locked hospital room with guards at the door, while strangers and politicians held a wake for my family." She was trembling now, pleading to be understood. "I came as soon as I heard the news that you were alive. Do you _really_ think I would have stayed away if I had known?"

Burt shook his head silently, the fight leaving him. She had been in the same situation as they had. Helplessly, he opened his arms. Elizabeth stepped into his embrace. "I'm so sorry," Burt whispered. "Please forgive me."

"I only care about having you back," Elizabeth said. They hugged each other tightly, both overwhelmed by the contact they had missed for so long. "Nothing else matters."

"Can you really stay?" Burt asked, sounding choked up.

"I am never leaving you again," Elizabeth said passionately, and kissed her husband on the lips.

"Kurt?" Sebastian asked carefully. His fiancé was still standing rooted to the ground, watching his parents. 

Slowly, Kurt shook his head. "I did this," he whispered.

Sebastian leaned in to hear him, cocking his head. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I _did_ this," Kurt repeated. "They were living in peace- apart, but safe- and it was me who ruined everything."

"But if she's alive-" Sebastian started to argue. The words froze in his throat as Kurt turned to face him, his eyes red-rimmed and fierce. He pulled his hand out of Sebastian's grip.

"What?" Kurt demanded. "It's all _okay?_ It doesn't matter that we had to destroy our own house and everything in it? It doesn't matter that my mom thought her family was dead for weeks? That my dad thought his son had killed his wife?" 

His voice rose with every word until he was shouting, hating himself for directing the anger he felt for himself to Sebastian, but being unable to stop it. 

"How- _how_ will that _ever_ be okay again?"

Burt and Elizabeth broke apart, both looking at him in worry. 

"Baby, no one is blaming you," Elizabeth started, but Kurt cut her off.

"Why the hell not?!" he shouted, gesticulating wildly. "I am! I made us lose _everything_ . All of our pictures, our memories, our things, our _home_? I ruined all of your lives. I was the cause of all this pain! Am I supposed to just act like that never happened and live happily ever after?"

Elizabeth stared incredulously at him, blinking slowly. Her eyes slowly moved to Sebastian, who was looking as helpless as she felt. "You think you ruined our lives?"

"I know I did!" Kurt exclaimed. "None of this would have happened if I hadn't called you that day, or if I had just noticed that damn monitoring app on my phone and thrown it away sooner! I forced Dad to drop everything and start over, I broke Sebastian's heart – I know I did, don't act like I didn't – and Mom–" he broke off, choking over his words as he addressed his mother. "How can you even stand to look at me, knowing I'm the reason you were hurt and almost killed?"

Sebastian winced. Hearing the man he loved speak so harshly against himself was physically painful, and he wished he knew what to say to make him stop.

"It's all my fault," Kurt continued. "And I—" his breathing became shaky as his anger started to dissolve into misery. But he pressed on, pushing his voice past the lump in his throat and trying to ignore the sting of tears in his eyes. "I am so sorry. I _hate_ that I hurt all of you, and I hate that I'm so messed up right now that you all feel like you have to go easy on me. Please, just _stop_ pretending it's all okay, and tell me what you're really thinking!"

An uneasy silence fell over the room as everyone just stared at Kurt, at a loss for words.

It was Elizabeth who recovered first, and she slowly approached her son, a look of determination in her eyes. 

Sebastian felt anxiety rise inside himself and he took a step closer to Kurt's side. He did not expect Kurt's mother to hurt her only son, but she was a stranger to him, and he did not know how to interpret her intentions. Their eyes met, and Sebastian realised he knew the look in her eyes, having seen it in Kurt many times. Kurt, unaware of the similarities between himself and his mother, did not relax.

When she reached him, Elizabeth set her hands on his shoulders, fixing him with a stare that commanded his attention.

Sebastian saw Kurt repress a flinch and raise his chin, despite everything ready to take his mother's criticism.

"Kurt," she said, her tone soft, despite her solemn expression, "I know what it's like to feel like the whole world has fallen apart around you, and there's nothing you can do about it. Or worse, that you somehow caused it. But believe me when I say that this was _not your fault_."

Kurt let out an exasperated breath, unable to find the words to argue. This was not what he had been bracing for- what he had demanded.

"Hey – listen to me," Elizabeth said, unwavering in her stance. "I mean it. You are not responsible for this. The Andersons are. Okay?"

Kurt didn't respond. He was so focused on holding himself together now that he couldn't speak.

Sebastian watched them both with bated breath, silently willing Elizabeth's words to get through to him.

"And you have to understand," Elizabeth continued, "this didn't just happen to _us_ ; it happened to you, too. Yes, I lost my family when I left, but _you_ had to grow up without a mother. I was an adult when it happened. You were a child, and forcing you to go through that, to make you play pretend in front of the whole world and push that responsibility on you? It was the hardest and the _worst_ thing I have ever done. And then, when you finally found your path in life, you had to leave the one you loved behind – trust me, no one understands how hard that is better than I do. It was not your fault."

Kurt shook his head. " _I_ called _you_ ," he argued. "I had promised dad that I never would unless there was something important, or if we were in danger. That I would never call for something trivial-"

"Believe me, Kurt, the news of your engagement was _not_ trivial to me," Elizabeth assured him. "And having your phone bugged was a violation of your privacy. My family had _no right_ to do that to you – and it was not your job to foresee every possible method in which someone might try to harm us, and make sure that they didn't. You don't control the actions of other people."

Kurt shifted uncomfortably as he considered this. Her words made sense, but he couldn't quite bring himself to accept them. His actions had still been the catalyst.

Elizabeth took a steadying breath as her eyes began to well up again. "Do you want to know what you _are_ responsible for?" she asked in a voice tight with emotion.

Kurt hung his head, unable to hold her gaze any longer. Finally. There was _something_ she was holding against him after all. Suddenly, he doubted if he could take it. He had thought that _not_ being blamed for everything they'd been through was hard, but now that someone was about to speak frankly to him, he was terrified. He didn't think he could bear to hear his mother tell him just how badly he had screwed up.

"Saving my life," Elizabeth finished, much to Kurt's surprise, and he lifted his head to look at her again.

"But…th-that doesn't make any sense," he stammered, finding his voice at last. "I wasn't even there–"

Elizabeth shook her head. "I was walking to my car when you called me to warn me," she informed him. "I only stopped because you sounded so upset, and I couldn't go anywhere until I knew that you were okay. If you hadn't called me when you did, I would have already been inside it when it blew up. I wouldn't have had a chance."

Kurt's mouth fell open. He didn't know what to say. His mind refused to let him believe it, insisting that she must only be saying it to make him feel better, but the look in her eyes told a different story. She was telling the truth.

His eyes flicked to his father, who was looking at him with a look of proud determination and fierce love.

Kurt was caught in a whirlwind of emotions. In spite of his mother's revelation, he still felt like he didn't deserve his family's forgiveness; he still felt like they ought to be angry with him, to hold him responsible for all the pain he had caused. But they were refusing to add to his self-flagellation, and now that he had let his frustrations out, he found that his anger was fading, and all that was left was hurt and exhaustion. He was so weary of punishing himself.

As Kurt's resolve began to crumble, Elizabeth moved toward him to pull him into an embrace. He practically fell into his mother's arms, and broke into heavy sobs that shook his whole body.

"It's okay!" Elizabeth gasped, holding tightly to Kurt and looking both pained and a little triumphant as he allowed himself to be comforted at last. "It's okay, sweetheart. It wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. It's okay."

After a moment, Burt walked over to his family, and he wrapped his arms around both of them, making it into a group hug. Elizabeth closed her eyes and leaned into Burt's embrace, and he pressed a soft kiss against the side of her head, bringing a small smile to her face.

Suddenly feeling like he was intruding on a private family moment, Sebastian quietly took a step back, intent on slipping out of the room to give them their space.

As though reading his thoughts, Burt looked up, meeting Sebastian's gaze with one of his most compelling fatherly looks, and he gave a little jerk of his head, summoning him over.

 _Oh. Okay, then._ Sebastian shuffled forward a little awkwardly, and let himself be ushered into the space between Kurt and his father.

He wound one arm around Kurt's back, and his heart fluttered when Kurt reacted to his presence by readjusting so he could rest his head against his shoulder. "Bas," Kurt breathed, curling his fingers into the folds of Sebastian's shirt. "Please forgive me."

Not even Kurt himself was sure what he was seeking forgiveness for- for his outburst, for shouting, for _leaving_ , or for coming back but not being _whole_ , or for everything all at once.

"I do," Sebastian said clearly. He could have argued that there was nothing to forgive, but he felt instinctively that was not what Kurt needed. He needed absolution, whether or not that was Sebastian's to give was not the point. "And I'll be here to help you forgive yourself, as well." He could feel the last tension bleed from Kurt's posture, as he leaned into the hug now, his mind finally giving him some kind of peace.

A hand on his shoulder made Sebastian look up. Kurt's mother was looking at him, softly smiling, and once again, Sebastian couldn't help but think how it felt like he had known her all this time. He swallowed the lump in his throat and offered her a smile. "Welcome home, mom."


	6. The Solution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe it was time to tell Kurt everything- he felt he owed it to him, after he had poured out his heart to all of them as well. "Let's sit down. I have some things to tell you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER 2020: As the author of this work, I do NOT condone this work to be copied or otherwise made available outside Archive of Our Own. This work was written specifically for publication on AO3 and is not for profit. Any re-publication on for profit/monetised apps/sites is not authorised or supported by me.

It was hard to say how long they stood there. None of them wanted to let go. Eventually, Kurt was the one to move, trying to shrug off the many hands that rested on his shoulders. Elizabeth and Burt quickly stepped away. As Sebastian eased up his embrace, Kurt shook his head and clung to him. ******  
** ** **

Elizabeth took her husband's hand. "Can we talk somewhere in private?" she asked quietly. "I have so much to catch up on...but I think these two need some time alone too." She nodded at Kurt and Sebastian. The revelations of the morning had left them raw and shaken. Burt nodded.

"Kurt," he announced a little louder, drawing their attention. He waited until his son looked up at him. ******  
** ** **

"Your mom and I are stepping outside for a bit." Before Kurt could protest, he added: "It's safe. We'll be right across the street, at the cafe, where you can see us." He reached inside his pocket and pulled out his phone. "You can call me at any time and we'll come back, okay?" ******  
** ** **

Kurt nodded, biting back on all the things he wanted to say. ******  
** ** **

_Be careful. Goodbye. I love you._ ******  
** ** **

Letting anyone out of his sight raised his panic levels to the almost unbearable. Would they ever be back? Or would this be the very last words they ever exchanged? ******  
** ** **

The Andersons may be locked up, but what about their associates? Prison systems were not infallible, inmates got phone calls, and there were _codes_ to get the word out. For all Kurt knew, Sebastian was a target now too, simply for offering them refuge. ******  
** ** **

Unbidden, his voice provided a macabre voice-over in his head, narrating his life. ******  
** ** **

_"...but that was the last time he would ever see his family alive-"_ ******  
** ** **

" _Kurt,_ " Sebastian said, and the emphasis on his name signaled that it wasn't the first attempt of getting his attention. ******  
** ** **

Kurt gulped in a breath and focused. "Yes?" ******  
** ** **

"They'll be back," Sebastian said. "I promise." ******  
** ** **

Kurt nodded, feeling like a child clinging to the myth of Santa Claus despite the obvious evidence. He watched as his mother and father cast a worried look at him before they closed the door behind them, then shook his head. ******  
** ** **

"I can't stop it, Bas. It's like a switch has been flipped in my head and I can't switch it back off. I can't go back to how I was before." ******  
** ** **

"I know," Sebastian said softly. He paused. "Neither can I."

Kurt felt his heart sink. "Is it because of me?" he asked, "because what I feel for you is about the only thing that _hasn't_ changed."

Sebastian shook his head. "It's not you." He sighed. Maybe it was time to tell Kurt everything- he felt he owed it to him, after he had poured out his heart to all of them as well. "Let's sit down. I have some things to tell you." ******  
** ** **

He knew this was the kind of announcement that made people with a tendency to anxiety worry even more, but he couldn't help it. Before Kurt got too lost in his own world again, Sebastian took his hand, pulled him towards the couch, and started talking.

"When I told you that my family cleaned out the Andersons’ cartel, I didn’t tell you the whole truth."

Kurt felt his blood run cold. "Some of them _are_ still out there?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Sebastian’s eyes widened. "No!" he exclaimed suddenly, clasping Kurt’s hand in both of his now as he realized his mistake. "No, god, no! All of their accomplices are in prison. Trust me, we left no stone unturned."

Kurt closed his eyes, letting out a relieved sound that was a cross between a moan and a sigh.

Sebastian gently stroked the back of Kurt’s hand with his thumb, giving him a moment to relax before upending his world again.

"But that’s just it," he continued slowly. " _We_ stopped them. You see, it wasn’t just my family; it was me, too." ******  
** ** **

He took a deep breath, then blurted out with less eloquence than intended, "I’m the one who got Blaine to spill his family’s secrets."

Rather than seeming shocked, Kurt looked simply confused. He said nothing in response; he only shifted his eyes in every direction, silently and repeatedly mouthing the name Sebastian had just spoken, trying to place it. ******  
** ** **

"Who?" he finally asked.

"Blaine…Anderson?" Sebastian offered, noting Kurt’s lack of recognition. "You know, your evil cousin?" ******  
** ** **

This addition just seemed to confuse Kurt even more. ******  
** ** **

"He was a year under you at NYADA," Sebastian added. ******  
** ** **

At the mention of NYADA, a light finally came on in Kurt’s brain. "Wait," he said. "Hopalong Henderson?" ******  
** ** **

"Hop-- _what_ ?" ******  
** ** **

"Do you remember that guy I told you about, who tried to get into Ms. July’s advanced dance class last year even though he hadn’t passed 101?" Kurt asked. ******  
** ** **

"You mean the guy who interrupted your dance class with the flash mob performance of _Hot Stuff_ ?" said Sebastian, smirking a little in spite of everything. "How could I forget? You were laughing so hysterically, you almost couldn’t get through the story." ******  
** ** **

Kurt nodded his head. "Yeah, that’s the one," he said. "Ms. July called him Hopalong Henderson, but I think his real name was Blaine. I saw him around campus from time to time, but we never really met." ******  
** ** **

He went silent for a moment, the seriousness in his expression taking the smile from Sebastian’s face. " _He's_ my cousin?" he asked finally.

"You seriously didn’t know?" Sebastian asked. ******  
** ** **

Kurt shook his head. "If I had known there was an Anderson at my school, I never would have called my mom from there. I mean, I knew they were around, following me, but I had never seen them at class..." ******  
** ** **

He closed his eyes and sighed. Of course they had placed someone at his school. _Of course_. That’s why Blaine had always seemed so out of place there. And Kurt, once again, had been oblivious- and stupid.

Sebastian hesitated. "What do you mean, following you?" he asked.

Kurt shrugged awkwardly "I would see them close by, watching. Sometimes at glee club competitions, or other events open to the public, I would spot a familiar face in the crowd—like Slugworth, showing up in every city I traveled to and just lurking in the background. And later, when I was walking home, or to my car or the bus, I would hear someone walking behind me, and I never looked, I just…knew." ******  
** ** **

He shivered at the memory. "I still don’t know how many of them there are," he said, "and until now, I didn’t know any of their first names. To be honest, I never really thought of them as even _having_ first names. I can’t even wrap my mind around the fact that they’re actually human and fallible, because all I’ve known about them for so long was that they had the power to take my mom away from me, and they would take everything else if I gave them a reason to. ******  
** ** **

"And I didn’t dare try to find out more about them, because I was never sure how closely they were watching me. My safety depended on making them believe I was totally clueless to their presence in my life. I never told my dad, because he worried enough about me already."

Sebastian didn’t know what to say. He knew that Kurt had been living in fear of the Andersons’ wrath for a long time, but they had never really had an in-depth conversation about it before; he had just assumed Kurt was as familiar with the crime family as he was. A burning indignation flared up inside him now at the knowledge of yet another thing Kurt had had to deal with all alone. 

"I'm sorry," Kurt said, bringing Sebastian back to the present, "you were trying to tell me something, and I went off on a rabbit chase."

Sebastian waved it off. "It’s okay," he said. He felt even worse now about the flattery he had lavished on Blaine in that bar, despite the fact that none of it had been sincere, and he was reluctant to tell Kurt about his dabbling in espionage. But he couldn’t back down now; Kurt deserved to know what kind of man he was engaged to. "Um…where was I?"

"Something about spilling family secrets."

"Right. So, anyway, Blaine is the one who was supposed to inherit the position as head of the family, and in order to get the information we needed to lock them up, I…" Sebastian looked down at his and Kurt’s joined hands, too nervous to look him in the eye as he spoke. "I went on a date with him."

Kurt waited a moment before saying calmly, "Go on."

Sebastian gathered his nerve and looked up to face Kurt again. "I needed to get him to let his guard down," he continued, "so we had a few drinks, and I flirted like crazy, using every cliché in the book to make him feel sexy and important. At one point I even leaned in to kiss him—"

Kurt’s breath hitched.

"I didn’t actually do it!" Sebastian said quickly, "I just made him think like I was going to, and pulled back at the last second. Like-" He blushed brilliantly. "Like that night at the hotel bar when you did that to me, before we got together. I remembered how hot that was, and how frustrating, and how I would have done or said _anything_ to get you to stay-" ******  
** ** **

He paused. "I needed to get him to that point where he’d do that for me." ******  
** ** **

Kurt nodded as he took a moment to let Sebastian’s confession sink in. "And you didn’t tell me this because...you were worried that I’d be mad that you pretended to be interested in someone else?" he asked carefully. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian shrugged a little. "Maybe?" he said. "I don’t know. I know it wasn’t cheating, but it _felt_ so wrong. I feel like I debased something that was ours, like I tainted that memory of us- but I didn’t mean it, I just—I had to get you back, and there’s nothing I wouldn’t have done to keep you safe. Please believe me, I hated every minute I spent with that douchebag." ******  
** ** **

"I believe you," Kurt said without hesitation. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian briefly closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief. "But it’s not just that, though; it’s the fact that I even got involved in my family’s work to that length. All that lying and manipulation…"

"But he’s a criminal," Kurt pointed out, "and you were doing it to help me. There’s nothing wrong with that. Undercover cops do it all the time."

Sebastian didn’t argue, but he didn’t openly assent, either. It wasn’t really _Blaine_ he regretted deceiving.

Kurt noticed something off, and he studied Sebastian’s face carefully. "There’s something else," he observed. "What is it?"

Sebastian sighed. "It’s the meeting my family had, just after you left—the one where they decided to help you. It was just business as usual at first, and I didn't really care about anything they were talking about, I was just thinking of _you-_ " ** ** **  
******

Kurt frowned a little, heartbreak evident on his face.

"- but then they mentioned your mother's death- or, well, the explosion that made everyone assume she was dead - and they were so _casual_ about it- they acknowledged it was bad but the way they discussed it in relation to the Andersons was like...it was unavoidable, like an earthquake or a hurricane. And I just thought...who _are_ these people? Are they really _my_ family, who raised me?"

"But then they decided to help bring the Andersons to justice, didn't they?" Kurt asked. ******  
** ** **

"They did, but not until I told them about our engagement. Once they knew it was _personal_ , they cared. I had made it their business." Sebastian frowned. ******  
** ** **

"I didn't realise until then how little they value human life if it's not family. Maybe they aren't that different from the Andersons. And over the past weeks I've been trying to come to terms with that, but...I'm not sure I can."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked. "They are your family."

"I know," said Sebastian. "And I love them. But how am I supposed to look at them the same way again, knowing now that they would have stood by and let the Andersons get away with attempted murder— _actual_ murder, for all they knew—when they had the resources all along to stop them? And…" He hesitated. He was reaching the point he’d been trying to make, but getting the words out was proving difficult.

"And what does it say about _me_ ," he said at last, "that I still love them after that? That I want to go on pretending we’re all normal people and there’s nothing fishy going on behind the scenes? That I wanted to let you marry me without knowing what they’re really like, or that I’d participated in one of their jobs?" ******  
** ** **

Kurt studied him for a moment, trying to determine how to best alleviate his fears. "I only know what it says to _me,_ " he said finally. "And I am no stranger to wanting to live a normal life, with a normal family and a husband whom I love. I get it. It's easy to condemn strangers for their behaviour- when it's family…" He shrugged helplessly. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian offered him a half-smile. "Marcus tried to keep me out of it," he admitted. ******  
** ** **

"Maybe he suspected it would change the way you felt about them," Kurt said. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian nodded. "He knows me well. I wish it hadn't, but it has. What if they had used their power all those years ago? Maybe your mom would never have needed to leave-" ******  
** ** **

Kurt shook his head. "There's no point to that, Bas. And besides, if she hadn't relocated, she would have never met my dad. I wouldn't even be here." He paused. ******  
** ** **

"I understand it's hard. The 'what-ifs' drive me crazy too. But if they hadn't helped us, if _you_ hadn't done what you did, we wouldn't have had any of this now. I wouldn't have my mom back, I wouldn't have you, I wouldn't have my old life-" ******  
** ** **

"...or any life?" Sebastian asked quietly. ******  
** ** **

Kurt breathed in sharply and held his breath. ******  
** ** **

"Kurt, I need to know what happened on the cruise," Sebastian continued, trying to be gentle but failing in his desperation. "What your dad said really shocked me." ******  
** ** **

Kurt pressed his lips together and nodded. He closed his eyes tightly and breathed in deeply. He had been ready before, but with everything going on around them, he hadn't had the chance to tell Sebastian before Burt did. He tried to gather up his courage again. ******  
** ** **

"I felt, at that moment, that I had absolutely nothing left. That what I had done was so...destructive to so many people, that it would be better, easier, for everyone-" He broke off. "It _felt_ rational." ******  
** ** **

He opened his eyes and slowly raised them to meet Sebastian's. It was important that he got his next point across. "I am grateful my dad managed to talk me down. I _am,_ I promise you that. By the time he had finished talking, the urgency had passed, and I was able to...focus on fighting it." ******  
** ** **

"I'm glad," Sebastian let out, his voice wrought with emotion. "What did he say?" ******  
** ** **

Kurt shrugged and shook his head. "I don't even remember all of it. It was just that he _did_. He showed up. He proved to me that he wanted me to stay." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian swallowed, trying to repress the frustration and the hurt he felt inside. _He_ would have shown up too, but Kurt had taken that choice away from him. He knew he shouldn’t think that way, but dammit, it hurt. ******  
** ** **

Kurt looked at Sebastian and suddenly grinned, despite the tears slipping from the corners of his eyes. "I remember one thing. He said-" Kurt let out a little breathy chuckle, " _I'll never figure out how to make a soufflé without you._ " ******  
** ** **

Sebastian choked out a laugh. They looked at each other, somehow smiling through it all. "My future father-in-law is the best," Sebastian said. ******  
** ** **

Kurt nodded. "He really is." ******  
** ** **

They sat for a moment. Even though the return of his mother had been a shock and had ended up in Kurt opening up about his feelings of guilt towards all of them, this talk felt like it went _deeper,_ to the actual heart of their problems. ******  
** ** **

"I don't know if the nightmares will stop now that Mom’s back," Kurt admitted. "Even though I don't feel like that anymore when I am awake, my mind takes me back there again and again, like unfinished business. And now I just have one more person to lose." ******  
** ** **

"You won't lose us," Sebastian promised. "It may take time to believe that, but I'm here. We can work on it together. Or we can get help. God knows I certainly don't have the right answers for everything." ******  
** ** **

"Us being back here feels pretty right, though," Kurt said, taking Sebastian's hand. He thought about the worries Sebastian had shared with him. "I love you," he said simply. "And I want to marry you. Not the idea of you, or the person you could have been in another lifetime or with another family."

Sebastian smiled and squeezed back. He still didn’t know what to do or how to feel about his family, but knowing that he had Kurt’s unconditional love and support took a weight off his shoulders.

"I love you, too," he returned. "And I’m sorry for hiding the truth from you before."

He thought for a moment and then added, "You know, if we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together, we’re gonna have to get better at trusting each other. I think we’ve both had to deal with enough secrets in our lifetime without keeping any from each other, don’t you?"

Kurt nodded his head. "It has been exhausting," he agreed. "And being able to talk to you about all this does make things easier."

"Then I think we should always be honest with each other," said Sebastian. He sat up a little straighter to emphasize his proposition. "From now on, no more secrets, and no lies. I want us to always be able to count on each other when we need to. Is that okay with you?"

Kurt smiled. "Yes," he replied. "Yes, of course it’s okay. I want that, too. You can tell me anything, always." Giving Sebastian’s hand another reassuring squeeze, he added, "While we’re on this subject, is there anything else you want to get off your chest?"

Sebastian grinned. "I’m terrified of bats?"

"Yeah, well, who isn’t?" Kurt returned without missing a beat.

Sebastian chuckled. Given Kurt’s inability to sit through Dracula without hiding behind his hand or Sebastian’s shoulder, the fact that he shared this particular fear with him hardly came as a surprise. ******  
** ** **

_Quit stalling_ , Sebastian inwardly chided himself. He didn’t want to add to Kurt’s guilt, but he _had_ just promised to always be honest with him. ******  
** ** **

"And," he continued cautiously, "you were right earlier: you did break my heart when you left. It _still_ breaks my heart when I think about everything you went through that I couldn’t be there to help you with." ******  
** ** **

Kurt opened his mouth, probably to apologize again, but Sebastian didn’t let him start. ******  
** ** **

"I’m not angry with you," he said earnestly. "I know you were trying to protect me, and now that I know how distorted your view of the Andersons is, I understand why you thought you didn’t have any other choice." Sebastian shrugged. "That was it. I think you already know everything else you need to know," he finished.

He paused for a moment and evaluated Kurt before asking gently, "What about you? I know you have a lot to work through, and I don’t expect you to be able to unload it all in one day. But if there’s anything else on your mind that you’d like to let out right now, you have my undivided attention." ******  
** ** **

Kurt pulled up the corner of his mouth, then shrugged. ******  
** ** **

"What?" Sebastian nudged. ******  
** ** **

"No, it's stupid," Kurt mumbled, shaking his head. "It's not a _secret._ It's just dumb." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian waited for a moment. "I won't laugh," he promised. ******  
** ** **

Kurt sighed. "You know earlier, when I sort of accused my dad of not being angry enough at me for making us lose the house and all of our things?" ******  
** ** **

Sebastian nodded, beginning to suspect what this was about. ******  
** ** **

"My dad's not a very sentimental man. He never was." ******  
** ** **

"But you are," Sebastian offered. ******  
** ** **

Kurt nodded. "I am," he agreed, his voice catching. "I have so many memories of that place. And my things, my clothes… I hate that it sounds so trivial and materialistic, but it isn't just that. So much work went into collecting all of it. I realised pretty early on that if I wanted things to look good on me, I had to alter them myself, especially with my hunting-gathering in the women's section. So I took my mom's old sewing machine and changed those off-the-rack retail items into unique pieces to develop my own style. At some point I didn't own a single shirt or jeans that wasn't hand-tailored to fit me." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian smiled a little. "That _does_ explain why you always looked _so_ much better than everyone else," he teased. ******  
** ** **

"No, _that_ was just my natural beauty," Kurt replied, a glimpse of his sassiness returning, before his face fell again. ******  
** ** **

"I knew that I had to give it all up and I understood _why_ , but it just added another layer of… feeling displaced. Not just in a new home, but in new things, with shirts that pull folds at the armpits and pant legs that hang over my shoes-" ******  
** ** **

He gave Sebastian such a thoroughly unhappy look that he forgot to breathe for a moment. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian couldn't help but glance over Kurt's clothes. He was still wearing yesterday’s shirt; as Sebastian always slept in his shirts, he hadn’t stopped to think about how Kurt used to change into pyjamas... _before._ Had it really taken only a few weeks apart for him to forget that? And now that Kurt had pointed it out, Sebastian did see how the shoulder seam of his shirt hung down just a bit below his actual shoulder, and the whole shirt seemed slightly bulkier than usual. Sebastian hadn't even realised that would be a _thing_ , but it was clearly important to Kurt. ******  
** ** **

"You could do that again?" he suggested. "Change the cut on your new things?" ******  
** ** **

Kurt shook his head. "I wouldn't even know where to start. I mean, I don't even have my machine anymore, and- it's just too much. It's too big a hurdle and I'm… _tired_. I'm empty, Bas. It’s taking me all that I have just to focus on catching up with my classes and have regular meals." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian nodded and gathered Kurt up in his arms. "I get that," he said quietly. "I really do." He remembered how it felt when Marcus had tried to make him get up after he thought he had lost Kurt for good. Even getting dressed had seemed like climbing a mountain. "Maybe we can have some things altered for you? At the store?" ******  
** ** **

Kurt shrugged. Sebastian didn't push it, but his mind was already whirring trying to solve this for his fiancé. "We'll figure it out," he whispered into Kurt's hair. "And I don't think it's dumb at all." ******  
** ** **

- ******  
** ** **

As promised, Burt and Elizabeth returned safely. While they were gone, Kurt and Sebastian had made use of the quiet apartment to rest some more - it had been an emotionally draining morning. Sebastian heard them come in and, after making sure Kurt was sleeping soundly without signs of a nightmare, quietly left the bedroom to talk to them. By the time Kurt woke up, the three of them had devised a plan. All they needed was to get Kurt on board. (And after Burt had used that expression without thinking about it, the three of them had looked at each other awkwardly for a moment, their shared love for Kurt also the source of a shared pain. It would be a while, Sebastian mused, before nautical expressions and sailor puns would be okay again). ******  
** ** **

Kurt came into the living room, now fully dressed in a tight henley and jeans that, Sebastian couldn’t help but _not_ notice since their talk, were just a little too long. The back hem hung on the ground, and every second step, got caught under Kurt’s shoe. "You look...very serious," Kurt said, looking back and forth between the three of them. ******  
** ** **

"We want to talk to you, kiddo. Please sit down," his dad said. ******  
** ** **

Kurt glanced at Sebastian, who offered him a reassuring smile. He sat down, taking his fiancé’s hand. ******  
** ** **

"Your mom and I have been talking about the future, and our living situation here," Burt started. "I am incredibly grateful for Sebastian taking us into his home like he did, but this apartment barely holds three, let alone four adults." ******  
** ** **

Kurt nodded in agreement. He knew the day would come that his dad would move out, and it made sense, although the thought of losing him terrified Kurt. ******  
** ** **

"We were thinking about trying to find two adjacent houses," Elizabeth continued. "So our little family here," she looked at her husband and Kurt and Sebastian, "can stay close together but also have their private space. A new place for all of us to make new memories together." ******  
** ** **

Sebastian smiled. "And new outfits. We could get a craft room with a new sewing machine, and a bigger closet. Maybe even a dog." ******  
** ** **

Kurt closed his eyes and nodded, feeling tears well up. ******  
** ** **

Elizabeth smiled warmly at the two of them. "And I was thinking: a joint garden...one big enough to celebrate a wedding?" ******  
** ** **

Kurt opened his eyes and looked at her, lost for words. Immediately, a vision of meadows and flower arrangements, folding chairs and a gazebo filled his mind. A garden wedding sounded perfect--but even more wonderful than all the inspiration suddenly striking him was the realization that his mother was going to be there to see him get married after all. ******  
** ** **

"And we'd have rules, like : no unannounced visits," Burt added, "so none of us accidentally walk into something we don’t want to see!" ******  
** ** **

" _Dad_ ," Kurt admonished him, his words tearing him away from the fantasy. He frowned a little. ******  
** ** **

"I’m just saying," Burt added with a twinkle in his eye, "now that your mom is back we're going to be having a lot of old-people-sex, Kurt. Might even try to make a little brother or sister…" ******  
** ** **

"Oh. My. God!" Kurt let out, covering his face with his hands. Sebastian laughed and put an arm around Kurt. ******  
** ** **

"It’s okay, Kurt. We’re just gonna have to be _louder_ than them so we don’t hear it," he teased, and now it was Burt’s time to get a little red in the face. ******  
** ** **

"Can we please focus here, boys?" Elizabeth asked, though she was smiling as well. "Kurt, do you think that it could work? Would you want us living next to you? It doesn’t have to be permanent." ******  
** ** **

Kurt nodded, swallowing against the lump in his throat. "I want that," he said, his voice wrought with emotion. "Sebastian?" It would mean making him leave his apartment, and how could Kurt make him do that after telling him about his own problems losing his old home? ******  
** ** **

"I'm fine with it," Sebastian said, almost as if he had read Kurt’s mind. "This place has no sentimental value to me. It’s cramped and overpriced, and the only times I ever really liked it was when you stayed over. We can have that anywhere. I want whatever makes you happy." ******  
** ** **

Kurt looked him in the eyes. "Even after all of this?" he asked quietly. ******  
** ** **

"Of course," Sebastian said, not having to think about it. ******  
** ** **

If anything, the whole ordeal had just given him a deeper appreciation for his fiancé. As drained and emotionally scarred as Kurt was, he had survived this far, and the hope that glimmered in his eyes now beneath his doubt told Sebastian that he would continue to do so--and this time, he wouldn't have to do it alone. Sebastian still didn't know how, but he was determined to help Kurt clear away his fears and uncertainties, just like they had all the smoke and mirrors that had tried to keep them apart. They both needed time to recover from all that they'd been through, but somehow, he knew, they were going to be okay. ******  
** ** **

Sebastian lifted Kurt's hand to place a light kiss on his fingertips, and, catching sight of his engagement ring, he had to smile when he noted that at least there was one thing Kurt was wearing that fit him perfectly. And of course it did; there was no one else Sebastian would have bought it for. ******  
** ** **

"Honestly, Kurt," Sebastian said, a teasing smirk forming on his otherwise tender expression, "you should know by now that I'd do anything for the man I'm going to marry." ****  
** **


End file.
